New Home Secretary resigns after 37 minutes – DeadBrain.co.uk
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During a recent spate of “stickie” sticking, I found a “stickie” from DeadBrain.co.uk to put on my sidebar. It updates the “news headlines” which are, the astute will notice, spoof “news headlines”. For example:
Kidnapped chancellor “free to come and go”
Democrats propose “cap and trade” scheme for Iraq troop levels
Jails empty as judges urged to be lenient
Big Brother Latest: Video of Jade Goody’s hanging leaked.
Jade Goody gets Oscar nomination for apology
Compulsive gamblers to be given classes to win on NHS
Prescott’s visit to Burger King overshadowed by race row
Teachers ‘could lead schools’ says report
Democrats propose “cap and trade” scheme for Iraq troop levels
Jails empty as judges urged to be lenient
Big Brother Latest: Video of Jade Goody’s hanging leaked.
Jade Goody gets Oscar nomination for apology
Compulsive gamblers to be given classes to win on NHS
Prescott’s visit to Burger King overshadowed by race row
Teachers ‘could lead schools’ says report
At first, I wasn’t too sure about this “stickie“, but gave it a whirl anyway. However, on studying a few of the “news stories” over the last couple of weeks, I have begun to fall in love with the “DeadBrain” sense of humour. It provides an excellent release, and a sideways look at political news.
There is one particular story on there at the moment entitled: “New Home Secretary resigns after 37 minutes“. It is what some younger work colleagues of mine excitedly call “Quality!”:
The new Home Secretary was dramatically forced to resign today just 37 minutes after replacing John Reid. As DeadBrain went to press, tabloid editors up and down the land were rejoicing at the quick-fire dismissal.
The story continues:
The drama happened as the fiery Scotsman’s successor was being unveiled at a press conference…Within twenty minutes, the Daily Mail had released the following statement:”In admitting that he won’t be able to put all criminals behind bars, the new Home Secretary has shown such a lack of concern about the paedophiles, terrorists, rapists and feral children in our midst that he is arguably worse than the lot of them. If he has any decency at all he should apologise personally to all future victims of crime and resign immediately.”
…and then climaxes with this:
After facing calls to resign at his inaugural press conference, it wasn’t long until the new Home Secretary caved in. In an emotional resignation speech he said: “The first five minutes were a great challenge but after that I began to see why people say this job is the worst in the world. I can only hope that my successor is less incompetent than me and my predecessor John Reid, his predecessor Charles Clarke, his predecessor David Blunkett and his predecessor, whose name I forget.”
So, I shall leave the DeadBrain “stickie” as a permanent feature of my sidebar. I see they are looking for contributory satirists, by the way.
And you should see what they said about our Ming during the leadership contest:
Liberal Democrat leadership contender Sir Menzies Campbell admitted today that he is straight and apologised for misleading people.
…Sir Menzies revealed on Radio 2 that the situation had become “unmanageable” as allegations of a 30-year relationship with a 58-year-old woman were due to appear in this Sunday’s News of the World.
…Privately, though, a party insider told DeadBrain that Sir Menzies had “*******d his chances”.
Come on, laugh!
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